H.A.L.T.

Okay, so if you follow me, you may have noticed that I changed the name of my blog again. Acknowledged. And, we are just going to leave it at that. If you know me, you’ll figure it out.

I wanted to comment on a new acronym I learned from a friend who is in recovery: H.A.L.T., which stands for hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Sidebar: I am fascinated by addiction and recovery for myriad reasons. One, I own that I have addict-like behavior where food is concerned. I spent the better part of my adult life medicating with sugar/fat and white flour. Two, I have lived with and loved an addict. Three, I think the majority of us are addicts in some form or shape, we just use different substances/behaviors to mask our pain– some people shop, some people take risks or have affairs, some people medicate with food, some people have addictive behavior associated with religion, and the list is endless….

So, I learned that people in recovery use this acronym as a gauge to determine how susceptible they might be to using/falling into addict-like behavior[s]. If you are experiencing at least two of these at any given moment, then you are at risk for relapse. If you have more than 2, you might need to call your sponsor or head to a meeting.

I have been working on losing weight and gaining optimal health [with the goal of ultimately leaving behind my addictive relationship with food] since October. I am experiencing success. It’s up and down, but it’s success nonetheless. I have had some planned cheats, admittedly some of these turned into snowball situations. And, I have also had some times when I just went suddenly AWOL for no apparent reason. Obviously, I continue to have addict style behaviors where food is concerned. Reflection upon those times where I have gone off the end of a cliff so to speak, shows that I indeed was experiencing at least two of these four apocalyptic horsemen each time I derailed. Angry is sometimes just frustrated or irritable. Tired is a big trigger for me. Lonely is a no brainer- I rarely go off a cliff with witnesses. Hungry, well, when you’re trying to head off a diet catastrophe, hunger would certainly be a big factor.

TSFL is a plan that helps by making sure that you keep your blood sugar stable and that you eat small and very frequent ‘meals’ [I understand that it's a stretch to call them meals]. It is also a plan that focuses heavily on community. Having a coach and a community of support goes a long way to keeping me from becoming lonely and I know that I have people I can call on at any time to talk me off a ledge or alter my perception in a positive way. I am finding out as I go along, that sleep is more important than I ever imagined. Research shows that getting less sleep can increase your appetite and make you actually consume more calories. My motivation and energy wane when I get less than 6 hours of sleep a night, especially over a period of time. Luckily, this plan and its mild ketosis offers extra energy, but I have to be careful not to get tricked into thinking I don’t need my 7+ hours of sleep a night. Anger, I have found, retreats during times of mild ketosis and I get into a calm zen state, however, whenever I do choose to cheat and go out of ketosis, I know that I will deal with anger/frustration/irritability again as I walk through that tough place between eating off plan and going back in to ketosis. Those have been some of my most trying moments.

So, remember H.A.L.T. whatever your addiction might be. Keep yourself nourished– physically and spiritually. Stay in community and relationship with others. Have strategies to deal with anger and frustrations when they arise. Love yourself. <3

February 26, 2013
by kimmstree Leave a comment >

Okay, so I am going to talk about food again; specifically, what happens when you go off plan and then come back on. So, just a pre-warning, in case you are sick to death of hearing about my current eating proclivities, that’s where this is going. I started on plan on Oct. 2nd, and did not have my first cheat until Christmas. It was then, that I made my first discoveries about my body’s reaction to carbs and about how taste and preference and habits can change. I have had another cheat [actually two in a row sort of] and so I feel compelled to talk about what this has taught me so far. The reason I feel a need to share this is because when you have been on plan for a long time [ie.. longer than a few weeks or a month] and you are thinking about going off plan, you wonder things like: “How is this going to make me feel?” or “How much weight might I gain?” or “How damaging is this to my overall progress or my health in general?” I had many more questions than this, but you get the idea. I actually googled some of these questions trying to find out if others had written about their experiences with going off and back on plan. Hopefully, this will help others who are faithfully following their plan and making wonderful progress toward their goals to decide if, when, and how they might go off plan and then come back on. It can possibly just give you more points for your risk-to-benefit ratio list.

****

The trajectory of this post will change due to some influences over the past week, not the least of which has been Daniel Cox [I'll end this post on a video note from him]. I will, however, continue with my original direction for a moment by saying that I chose Valentine’s Day as a planned cheat day. I love chocolate so very much that having a planned cheat day helps me to keep from caving to temptation by allowing me to say “later” instead of “no, thank you.”

On Valentine’s Day, I was only able to wait until about 1:30 pm before I caved to temptation. I had a little smartly decorated brown paper sack on my desk full of goodies and I chose one of my very favorites to indulge in: A 3 in. Hershey chocolate bar. I love chocolate and appreciate fine chocolate, but I am also devastatingly loyal to Hershey. There is something about the taste and the melt point and the teeth sink, especially in these little bars that are slightly thicker than a traditional bar and not as thick as a kiss, that does me in. So, I took that first bite…. and …. o. m. g. …. it was so wonderful! I ate that mini Hershey bar so much faster than I intended to. Before I knew it, I had eaten four of them; yes, I said 4 of them! I then began stuffing candy into my mouth like Charlie Bucket. The next piece was a Reese’s peanut butter heart, which was oh so forgettable followed by one of those long skinny Tootsie Rolls. Now, when I got to the Tootsie Roll, I was able to stop and take stock and realize that it didn’t even taste remotely pleasant. It tasted sort of plastic and watery sweet– so underwhelming that I spit it into the trash after only chewing for a few bites. After this orgy of candy eating, I felt slightly nauseous and out of control. I was horrified that I could be so seemingly in charge for so many weeks only to behave like a fiending junkie when faced with the opportunity to indulge in a planned cheat. What I learned? Candy, specifically chocolate candy, is a trigger food that makes me behave like a shameless, unconscious addict.

Later that day, I continued my planned cheat with wine at supper [first glass since September] and Lily’s pizza [2.5 slices] followed by buttered popcorn and Nestle’s Bunch-a-Crunch at the movies. The wine was heavenly as was the pizza, especially that pillow-like crust that sent waves of pleasure through my entire body. If it sounds like I have a sexual relationship with food, it’s because I do; you are not imagining this. Now, the Bunch-a-Crunch and the popcorn were big let downs, probably because I had already indulged so much this day that I had reached a saturation point of sorts, but more likely because they never were really that good and I am just realizing this. What I learned: good pizza is really wonderful and so is a great glass of Riesling after a five month absence, but I wasted a lot of time pining for popcorn and Bunch-a-crunch when it is not really that good, and finally, carbs make me incredibly sleepy and behave just like narcotics in my body.

Next day, I felt really ready to go back on plan and I did, but then came Saturday when Bean and I and the kids were out of town at a getaway to the Great Wolf Lodge where we found that our hotel had its very own Dunkin’ Donuts, Pizza Hut, and Dippin Dots outlets. Bean said he might not stay on plan while we were there and I found myself encouraging him by saying, “oh, that’s fine, I might not either.” Lesson learned- coming recently off a cheat makes me more susceptible to cheating again [it's a slippery slope, folks] and being the addict that I am where food is concerned I found myself in rationalization mode. Good habits die hard, though, and so this day became about the battle between good and evil inside of me. I carried my OP snacks and water about and watched Bean and little beans eat fries, corn dogs, and chicken tenders and I walked around the water park irritable and complaining about the lack of a lazy river, about the temperature, about the wetness of everything [really], but even when faced with Cracker Barrel for supper, those good habits were still winning battles when I chose a low-carb option of a burger and turnip greens for supper. I was full and satisfied and did not need another thing that evening, but I lost my head again when sitting in the lobby of this den of temptation and it was me [I know, I cannot believe it or that I am admitting this] who suggested that we go downstairs and have ice cream in a waffle cone and then wake up to a breakfast of Dunkin’ Donuts and coffee. I suddenly had gone off the edge. I was in free fall and ready to make poor choices for the remainder of the weekend. Note: the ice cream was forgettable and not worth eating. I fell into a carb fueled sleep but woke anticipating those donuts. The donuts were really good- Dunkin’ Donuts knows how to make ‘em and when they are fresh, they are divine. I found myself having a much better day in the water park. Bean commented, “wow, you seem so much more relaxed today.” The connection was clear– I was calmer and more relaxed because I was impaired.. like a junkie– I had slept after a fix and woke to another fix and I was feeling fine, medicated right into bliss. I continued this crazy binge with Bojangles for lunch, Chubby’s Tacos for supper, and raspberry thumbprint cookies from Francesca’s for dessert!

Writing about this makes me see the addict in me so much clearer. It is scary as hell and I can tell you that I was more than ready to go back on plan. The price of re-boarding the TSFL bus next morning was that I would have to go through days of irritability and would not be back into mild ketosis and feeling really good again for anywhere from a few days to a week. I also paid with the weight I would have lost during this week or so and I am sure there were negative effects on my blood sugar, triglycerides, and other body systems. What I learned, though, was that even though I have been following this plan for over four months I still have work to do toward reframing my relationship with food. Going back on plan was comforting on so many levels: I felt in control again, I was now back to structured choices within a defined scope, and I was eating those foods that had taken me to this new place that I love so much– my cereal crunch and my hot cocoa and chicken noodle soup.

**************

And so now, here I am over a week after I went off plan [or as Daniel Cox puts it- "got off the bus"] and I am back into mild ketosis and feeling pretty darn good again. The downside is that I weigh the same as I did before my planned cheat, so I literally lost over a week of progress. This week was not has difficult as I anticipated, although I did have a meltdown about 5 or 6 days in where I over-reacted to something Bean did and got so upset I cried. Daniel is so right when he talks in his videos about having to feel our feelings when we can’t eat them anymore and, well, sometimes they just come spilling right out over the top.

So, in the do as I say and not as I do spirit, I will end with a video by Daniel Cox who is a fellow health coach.You should check out his YouTube channel if you are already on TSFL and he will motivate you in so many ways. I loved this particular video because it helps put going off plan into perspective and I like that he ‘gets real’ with his viewer in sort of Dr. Phil style. So, thanks, Daniel. You are an amazing inspiration. I don’t necessarily regret going off plan this time because of what I learned, but I want you to know that in part because of you…I plan to “stay on the bus.”

January 27, 2013
by kimmstree Leave a comment

Be calm & keep moving forward..

I have been meaning to write this post for a number of days now. Some of you may know that my weight loss journey has been so successful this go round that I decided to pay it forward and become a health coach for Take Shape for Life. Anyone who has talked to me in the past 3 months knows that I am crazy excited over this program and how it has worked. That might lead them to believe that it has been easy for me or glitch-free, but that is not the case. The things I love about this program are that it is:

so simple to follow
that it is healthy and balanced
the weight loss is faster than on other plans I have been on [seriously, ever]
that it is structured enough that I don’t self sabotage by making poor food choices that hijack my blood sugar or fudge on points and flexpoints

I love how it makes me feel- more energized, more alert upon waking, empowered, and sometimes giddy with excitement. But I have not been successful because I have more will power than someone else [I most certainly do not] or because I lose weight easily [I do not- I have hypothyroidism and it is harder for me to lose weight]. And while it has been the most successful weight loss journey I have had in my adult life [and the most swift], it has not been without moments of doubt or feelings of frustration.

I have only been a coach for a month now. My new clients include my sister, my boyfriend, my sister’s friend, and several other personal friends. Some of them have complained at times that they are not losing fast enough, that they did not lose fast enough in the first week, that they did not lose fast enough in the second week, or other complaints about the pounds and the numbers of the scale. My sister called one day and said, “I don’t know what is going on, I haven’t lost any weight for six days and I am getting discouraged.” I said, “my goodness, you lost 22 lbs. in 25 days- that is almost a pound a day- your body needs to rest every now and again or you are going to look like a Shar Pei!” She has a lot to lose and had large glycogen stores and lost quickly in the early days. Some have been disappointed that they “only” lost 5 in the first week and someone else lost 9. They are happy when they are losing a pound a day or 7-12 in a week, but then dejected when they have a week where they lose none or just a few. They look at me, seemingly shrinking away in just 3 months and want that and want it now. Well, these three months have been longer than you think, and I think it is important that I share some details of my weight loss.

*Month*	*Pounds Lost*	*Numbers I was seeing on the scale*
October	17.5	190’s
November	5.5	180’s
December	7.5	170’s
January	TBD	160’s

I have lost more than 35 pounds, but I started at the beginning of October. If you look at the chart above, you will see that I have gone steadily downward since I began the plan and I have only gone off plan once- Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. If I made a chart of what the numbers looked like each day, you would see how they go up, down, same, up, down, down, same, down- well, you get the idea. I was discouraged during the times the scale stayed the same or went up, but I trusted that if I followed this plan, there was nowhere to go but down. I am glad I did not give up. Weight loss is a funny funny thing, too. You don’t lose in a linear fashion, you have ups and downs even when following the plan. This is mostly because you are more than70% water and your degree of hydration at any given moment affects the numbers on the scale. Weight loss is funny too, because you won’t always like how it looks. When I first started losing quickly, I looked at my thighs at the end of the second month and thought, OMG, I can’t live with these hideous things! They were sagging and looked like they had had bites taken out of them, like literally there were lumps and bulges in weird places and they were not smooth or shapely. A month later, they are bagging less and in different places and the bulges and hollows have moved. As your fat cells shrink, they do not do this in a perfect and orderly fashion, it is sort of haphazard and random.

What if I had quit after that first plateau? I would have gone back to my old eating ways and most likely gained it all back and more. It would be three months later and I would remain stuck and feeling sluggish and fat and like a failure. I would not have been able to open a package from Kohl’s and remove a size 10 petite pants and hold them up and go, “geez, I will never get into these tiny little things,” only to have them fit!!! What a moment that was! What if I had quit during December when every single day someone was eating wonderous foods around me- butter cookies, candy, cake, meatballs in sweet sauce, martini’s, you name it and the weight was not falling off of me- remember I only averaged a little over a pound and a half a week that month. I would have missed that moment today, when I walked into REI and took a size L blouse off the sale rack because they run so small there, only to have to go back and get a medium! If I had given up, I would not have had my first glimpses at my collarbones 28 years!!

If you are not losing fast enough on this plan, go back and read your quick start guide and make sure you are not messing up on types of leans or greens and their amounts. Make sure you are not using too many condiments [half n half, parmesan cheese, artificial sweeteners, whipped cream, etc...]. Determine that you are drinking enough water because this is the hardest part for some people and losing weight robs you of water. If you are sick, go off the plan and come back on later. Get well first; the plan works best when you are healthy and well hydrated.

Ultimately, know that if you follow the plan– you will be smaller next week than you are today, you will be much smaller next month, and the next, no matter what numbers are on the scale. Try not to be a slave to the scale– they are just numbers and you are much more than numbers. People ask me how much more I want to lose. At just over 160, I would need to lose at least 35 more to be at an optimal BMI, but those are numbers; I will know when I get there. Already, I feel younger, I move easier, I breathe easier, I snore less, I feel more energetic, I wake up easier in the morning, I pant less when walking up hills or stairs, I can run faster and for longer jaunts. I am happier and I make new discoveries about myself every day. I have learned I was eating way more food than my body needed for most of my life. I have learned that I can live without bread and Hershey kisses, that I can make small, continuous choices that add up to big success. I have learned that I can live without leaning on my drug of choice when in crisis or stressed- sugar; and that instead, I can lean on others, I can write, I can go for a walk, I can have a cup of tea, or I can just have a good cry.

So, when you tell me that you are frustrated and the scale is not doing or saying what you want it to say; I understand. I have been there and will be there again. But, I can tell you that only three months into this journey, every one of those moments have been worth it.

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”

― Martin Luther King Jr.

December 24, 2012
by kimmstree 1 Comment

Christmas Eve Gratitude

So, it’s been a while since I paid any attention to this blog. Mostly because my life goes at such a dizzying speed that I cannot keep up enough to document any of it. I really need to change the name of my blog, since turns out I wasn’t/am not quarter of the way to Menopause- at least not a quarter of a year from there. So much has happened since I began hyper-focusing on Menopause and how it might be wrecking havoc in my life. Changing my attitude and focus, well, that sort of solved the premature Menopause crisis. How did this happen? Well, I stopped looking in and started looking out. Shortly after I named my belly, I carefully began to watch as a friend began to shrink and come out of her shell so to speak. She was doing this crazy diet plan that I wanted no part of. I didn’t do liquid plans [turns out it wasn't a completely liquid plan- yay]; I didn’t do such prescribed plans, and I would never do I plan where I had to purchase food!

Fast forward to Sept. when betty was so big I could not deny her existence and she was making my life miserable- I saw her in store window reflections that startled me, I saw her when I looked down in the shower [or out], I tried to pull my clothing over her or make buttons stay closed… well, you get the idea. That bitch had to go. So, I began researching this product and I found that it had chemistry behind it, that it was medically safe [the fact that it was promoted by some physicians did not influence me since I continually question why we give them such trust and responsibility with our health], and most importantly… that it worked. It worked fast and furiously and I wouldn’t have to think about the zone or the south beach or a point or a calorie or a carb. I would not have to have the perfect ratio of protein, fat, carb, and fiber because someone else was going to do that for me. I could take food off the radar and live my *&^%ing life.

Cue to Sept 28 when my shipment arrived. I’ll post the video later. I was excited to begin and ready to commit. Oct. 2nd was my start date, and today.. just a wee 83 days later [just shy of 12 weeks], I’ve gone from 196 to 167 this morning and turned all those numbers on their heads– including the big one I was aiming for- HbA1c. In fact, it’s down in the normal range again from pre-diabetic and I did that in 2 months!

So, on Christmas Eve, 2012, I am grateful for so many things, the primary being my family and their health and wellness and the love of an incredible man who is my best friend, but I am also grateful that my eyes were opened, that I was given this opportunity to change my health and improve the quality of my life. I am grateful that I have new self confidence that I can do this- I can take control of my weight and my health. My only regret is that I didn’t start this 20 years ago. I am living the secret, and now I truly believe that if I can see it- I can achieve it [which I have long subscribed to but did not believe where my weight was concerned]. And so, this morning, as I contemplate a one day reprieve commencing sometime tomorrow and lasting perhaps 4-8 hours, I am pausing at the precipice, and because of those numbers this morning, I will carefully consider each choice I have to make. This all fills me with joy. Merry Christmas!

August 29, 2012
by kimmstree Leave a comment

Well, I guess a name change is in order

So, if you know why my blog is now titled One Quarter of the Way to Menopause, then you know that I have been enjoying tampon free days now for like nearly 5 months– until this past weekend. So, I guess now I will have to call this blog one year until menopause since I just reset that clock. In some ways it was a relief, since it feels like I have been having PMS for at least 5 weeks. If I had become any more bloated, I was going to have to purchase some maternity clothing.

Now, when you think that your period is gone for good, don’t get too awfully excited, because apparently if it comes back, you might feel like you should have been building an ark. So, now I am 5 days into this unexpected period from hell which also came along with a sore throat and an impending blue moon during the first week of back to school. Isn’t that special?

I backed off the hormone creams at least for the week in case they confounded my body and caused this flood. I am 3 weeks into them and here is what I have:

I have slept better
I started my period again
I have experienced increased libido
I have not lost any weight
I have been walking and running 5-10 miles a week
I have actually gained 4 pounds
I am continually bloated to the point of distraction and despair [wtf]
I have been calmer and less lethal mood-wise
my hair shed has decreased
I have experienced a shoe crisis
I am a tiny bit less scattered
I do not have significantly more energy

I am also now taking the vitamin D mega dose, a multi vitamin with probiotics, saw palmetto [that's a whole other story], cinnamon with chromium picolinate, and Diflucan

I am about to abort the Diflucan because it might be what has made me feel like total &*^( this week and made my throat feel like I swallowed razors [that stuff is freaking toxic].

I have not begun the LDN yet, which again, is a whole other narrative which I will tackle when I am not exhausted.

I am about to finish this cup of Holy Basil tea and go to bed.

August 19, 2012
by kimmstree 1 Comment

scream

Crappiest day of the month so far- so much so that I have cried no less than 3 or 4 times today. You would think me a mental patient. The first time I cried was about lunch time and I got on the treadmill to have that cry. I figured the walking/running/exercise thing might be helpful. I can’t even remember what I was crying about. Honestly. So, I looked back to last month when I was writing about my crappiest day, and it was on the 22nd of July. Today is the end of the 19th day of August, so it has been– get this: shocker- about 28 days since my last crappiest day of the month. Notice a trend here? I don’t have a period anymore, but apparently I still have a fucking cycle- I just don’t get relief at the end of it.

I feel like a balloon that needs to pop– figuratively and literally. Literally, because I have the beastly menopause symptom known as bloating. If you think you’ve been bloated before, and you’ve not made it to perimenopause– you have not experienced the mother of all bloating. Even your underpants feel tight. It feels like you gained 5 pounds and it’s all in your middle. Muffin top? No, this is more like a giant souffle that overran your waistband. And trying to suck it in like you used to be able to pretend you could do– don’t even think about it. You can suck something in, but don’t make the mistake of turning sideways and looking into a mirror.

Yesterday was almost as bad. I was driving Al to REI to get his hiking gear. This is my twenty year old who does not have a job or go to school or do anything really productive right now. I am more than willing to buy him hiking and survival gear from REI because I am trying to encourage him to walk away from me… and yes– survive. Symbolic? I think, yes. But no, really, he does sort of plan to do a thru hike of some sort, or become an au pair in Holland, or backpack across Europe sometime in the fuzzy future. But, I digress. So, on the way, he asks me if I ever have a day when I feel uncomfortable in my own skin and of course I think he is reading my mind, but I say, “yes, I feel that way right now.” I was having one of those bad hair, don’t look in the mirror days, feeling awfully bloated yesterday, too, and longing for a waistline again and some of those new platform stilettos. I wonder if there is some sort of inverse relationship going on there.

So, I suggested we go by DSW, which is a giant shoe store. I am not sure what DSW stands for, but I think the S & the W stand for shoe warehouse. It should be called GSW-MWS [Giant Store Warehouse of Mostly Women's Shoes] since Al noted that only about 1/5 or less of the floor space is devoted to men’s and children’s shoes. All the rest of that acreage is women’s shoes. He was looking for a certain kind of toe shoes for running on rocks and I was in search of some stacked stilettos that might make me feel sexy again.

First of all, you must know that I have a wide foot. It’s rather pretty, but sort of platypus-like in its shape, and so shoes that fit in the width don’t always fit in the length or have heels that my foot slips up and out of. I found a number of suitable pairs, though, because this shoe store has all sizes and widths. I found this really sharp pair of two-tone heels by, who of all people, but Jessica Simpson. Let me see if I can find a picture of them: Okay, well that was an ordeal. Who knew there were millions of shoe images available for any description of shoe? So, here is the closest I could come to the shoes I had to have, except mine seemed prettier with a black back and heel and higher, if that is possible. Seriously, I know they don’t look that intimidating, but they seemed much higher than this, even though they probably weren’t.

I put them on and they looked divine, I mean absolutely lovely, except that my heel did slip a bit, but who’s heel wouldn’t when standing on tippy toes and then trying to walk. So, I decided to leave my flip-flops in the box and walk in these shoes across the acres of store to a spot all the way on the other side where there is a rack of inserts and gel things to make your shoes fit better and where I last saw Alex, to get his opinion. If you can, picture me teetering very gingerly across the carpet, trying not to break my ankle or pitch completely forward onto my face. The sales woman was looking at me with a look of bemusement, so I asked if they also had classes to teach people how to walk in these things. She just smiled this sort of lackadaisical smile. By the time I found Alex, I felt as if I had had quite a lower body workout already and my toes were almost completely numb. I found a pair of gel heel inserts and stuck them in there, only to find they don’t help at all. Alex thought they looked really nice on my feet [for stripper shoes], but he did note that if I had trouble walking less than four feet in them and for less than 3 minutes in the store, they probably weren’t very practical. Don’t you hate when your twenty year old blinds you with common sense logic? I was looking at these works of art on my feet, but also realistically picturing myself trying to walk down the church aisle in my vestments and in these shoes, holding a hymnal, singing, and trying to remain upright or walking on a wood or tile floor without feeling as if I were ice skating. These shoes with the 4 inch plus heels are so high, it is literally like existing on pointe in toe shoes all day. I have to hand it to the women who do it. I am not sure that I could be one of those women for more than an hour or two at a time. My usual dress up shoes are Clarks, Tevas, and Danskos, and living on the edge for me is a pair of Cole Haans or Donald Pliners.

You might ask, what.. besides menopause, is bringing on this need for heels at this late date? My sister did when I told her this story on the phone on the way home from our shopping trip. She said, “Kim, you’re too old to start wearing ‘ho heels now.” So, I thought about this today, and was surprised at what I came up with. Only, I can’t tell you because it might embarrass my boyfriend, and no it is not what you are thinking.

Needless to say, though, I now am the proud owner of these cute Tom’s wedges that he admired on my feet last week. That is as far as I am taking that.

August 7, 2012
by kimmstree Leave a comment

Interesting Results

So, I got my labs back a week or so ago and everything was normal except for very low vitamin D, some individual low thyroid scores, way high thyroid antibodies, high triglycerides, and bad blood sugars.

So, I’ll start with those bad blood sugars since they concern me the most. I have had a fasting glucose of 100 before. I have had HbA1C’s of up to 5.9, but today I had an FBG of 99 and an HbA1C of 6 and I am a believer now- it’s official… I am pre-diabetic. I had a doctor tell me that a few years ago and I scoffed at him and that diagnosis, but it hit home today and I accepted it for the gift that it is. So, even before speaking to my new hormone guru, I knew what needed to be done. I have a plan; and it is to kick that bitch’s ass before she gets into my house. Step one: I downloaded a bunch of books onto my Nook about reversing diabetes and keeping blood sugar stable with diet and exercise. Step two: I started exercising like I should have been exercising all along. My first weekly goal was to walk/jog 10 miles and I beat that goal with 2 days to spare. Step 3: increase veggies and fruits and decrease high GI foods and eliminate as much sugar as possible. I have been trying to have protein at every meal and cut out sweets, but apparently sugar is my drug of choice and it is not easy. I especially love sugar when it teams up with bad fat and white flour, like it does in donuts, but I am working on it.

So, yesterday, my appt day arrived where I got to drive 90 minutes to Greensboro and talk to this new holistic provider. Once again, she is a Nurse Practitioner [pretty much the same thing or better than a PA and much more useful than most doctors] who specializes in gynecology and endocrinology. She was trained out west and she is very much a healthy approach, clean living over a prescription provider. She does sell supplements in her practice, but she is not a charlatan. She is very quick and well-read and knowledgeable about what she treats. She did not try to sell me anything, she assessed my labs with laser precision and gave me a diet and some prescriptions for supplements and natural preparations to take away.

I thought she was going to tell me to decrease my thyroid because my TSH was so low, but she didn’t! She stressed the insignificance of this value, especially in relation to the individual thyroid values like Free T4 and T3 and said since those were low I could actually increase my Armour. I have been on natural thyroid for at least 15 years and my life is worth living because of it- no exaggeration. I was a mess on Synthroid. I have said it to many: it was like I was existing in this flat, gray world that suddenly burst into color like in the Wizard of Oz when I started on natural thyroid replacement. I do self-titrate some, but have been afraid to ramp it up much to prevent going hyperthyroid. It is also important to note that I have Hashimoto’s Disease, which is the type of hypothyroidism that is autoimmune in nature and usually runs in families along the maternal line. My body literally views my thyroid gland as a foreign and unwanted presence and is doing its level best to annihilate it. Tammy commented that my antibody titers were the highest she has seen and asked if I grew up next to a toxic river. So, given the level of my antibodies combined with a low Free T4 and T3, she said feel free to go crazy on the Armour. I currently take 2 grains a day, one in the morning and one in the evening and sometimes titrate down to one in the morning and 1/2 in the evening. So, I was ecstatic when Tammy said I could increase Armour. I could take 2 in the morning and 1 in the evening or up to 4 grains a day with scores like mine. Hot damn, maybe I can lose some lbs now, since clearly, I struggle to lose weight even when I am restricting calories now. So, that was the first good news.

Next good news: Tammy did not lecture me concerning my bad sugar scores. She pointed them out and suggested that I begin by doing a yeast free diet for a few weeks to rest my adrenals and to rid myself of sugar/yeast which apparently causes all kinds of ill effects: bloating, fatigue, mental fog, digestive issues, etc… She also suggested that gluten free might the way to go from now on since many people with hypothyroidism are gluten intolerant and at the very least it would help with my blood sugar issues and overall general health. I knew this and we discussed the book Wheat Belly which talks about the genetic mutations in wheat nowadays that makes it much higher in gluten and much more damaging to anyone with celiac disease or allergies or intolerances.

Next good news/bad news: my vitamin D levels were bottomed out to the extent that it looks like I might be genetically predisposed to this malady. I was like, “okay, what does low D cause?” She said: impaired sugar metabolism and insulin sensitivity [oh noooo], increased risk of cardiovascular disease and cancer”.. basically all kinds of heinous things. So, she prescribed 10,000 IU’s that I am to take 2x a week. So, the bad news is that I have low D but the good news is that after treatment, I may utilize sugar and become less insulin resistant. That is great because insulin provides keys to my cells so that sugar can go into the cells and be used and not stored in my liver and turned into fat when the keys don’t fit.

We finally got around to talking about my female hormones, which is why I was there, and Tammy agreed that I am a quarter of the way to menopause, well into almost halfway [which means I will need to change the blog name again soon]. My estrogen is still good [yay], but my progesterone and testosterone are low and so she suggested prescribing bioidentical creams of each for me to get some hormonal balance in this area. I suggested that she put them into the same cream, but she said that this would not work because testosterone is energizing and so it needed to be applied in the morning. Progesterone is sedating and should be applied at night before bedtime. I sort of balked at the testosterone, because I was thinking I already have less hair in places I want it and more hair in places I don’t, but she said that is due more to imbalance that a predominance of one, and shared that testosterone deficiency causes lowered libido, brain fog, depression, low energy, fatigue, and belly fat. She said she can look at a man and tell if his testosterone is low by looking at his belly. So, with that, I was in. These creams must be compounded so she faxed them to the local pharmacy that has those capabilities.

Finally, she suggested that with antibody levels as high as mine and the fact that my thyroid is autoimmune in nature, which makes me more susceptible to other autoimmune disorders like MS, diabetes, and ALS [eeekk], that I might like to try the off label usage of a drug called Naltrexone. This is an opiate blocker that is prescribed in higher doses for heroin addicts and alcoholics, but in lower doses has shown promise in strengthening the immune system and assisting in lowering antibodies and reducing symptoms in MS and other autoimmune diseases. I agreed to research it and possibly give it a try. I have the prescription and I think I am going to give it a shot since the side effects are low and it could help in a number of ways. The main side effect is increased or vivid dreaming, and that along with the testosterone cream I am applying at night might prove exciting. If you are interested in researching this yourself, google low dose Naltrexone or LDN along with your personal autoimmune disorder keyword.

Renaissance & Redemption

observations on midlife..