Tag: health

Update July 9, 2018

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This title sounds like a star date and that is about right.  It feels like light years since I wrote anything for this blog and it appears it has actually been two years since I made an entry.  Two incredibly busy years kept me from blogging… let’s see, I have been teaching 3-5 AU [which requires the energy of 3 or 4 people] and continuing to work part-time at the group home, dreaming of retirement and/or a time when I can read books again and maybe write books finally, living this crazy romantic life with Bean where I bridge two cities and live out of little bags that I schlep back and forth in my car, and dealing with a crazy woman who is the biological parent of Audrey and Rusty and this is an entire story unto itself, so yes, I’ve been a bit busy.

The crazy selfish bio parent has a weird and abusive older boyfriend who attacked Rusty multiple times, we didn’t know until the last when he made the North to Alaska call to his Dad in the moment.  Skip forward to weird Trumper-boyfriend signing a DVPO voluntarily to avoid having said children testify in court, Mom saying I’ll miss you guys and moving a city away to a smaller apartment and now only seeing one of the kids for a couple hours each week.  This all happened almost a year ago and the fallout has required me to step up and our relationship to change since the kids went from being around 14 of every 28 days to 28 of every 28 days and 24 hours of every day.  We are not complaining as they are better off in so many ways, but the disappointment that we all feel for this horrible woman and her terrible choices weighs like a heavy rock we all have our hands up in the air to collectively carry.  We are trying to find a big cliff to pitch it off and purge ourselves of the dark cloud of letdown and disbelief.

RA turned out was the moderate to severe and aggressive sort that only responded to a multimodal full on assault of Methotrexate, weekly instead of bi-weekly Humira injections, Plaquenil, and sometimes steroid bumps/tapers.  I have erosions in my hands and feet after only 4 years and my feet look different with weird nodules and bunions and daylight sign on middle toes.  I don’t think about RA as much, though, and it is now just part of the landscape of my life, in fact, I would have said I was in a good chemical remission, until late spring/early summer when the Vasculitis hit.  I developed petechiae on my feet, and since my sister just spent the better part of a year slaying this particular dragon, I knew what this might be.  A routine visit to my eye doc where they found hemorrhages on my retina and I knew for sure.  Now, we have to figure out how to proceed while I do daily steroid doses that are making me a bit moon-faced already.

I did get invited to go to Boston, though, to a Co-Creation Conference [which I don’t really know a lot about so far but will be going next week, so I will fill in the blanks then] to speak to medical professionals about my RA journey.  I am so glad that I had this blog, because I can literally go back and read about what it felt like when I was diagnosed and remember some of the things I have forgotten about what it was like when I was dying a bit every day from the pain and exhaustion.

And so, halfway through a wonderful summer break when I have time to actually write a paragraph, I have an all expenses paid solo trip to Boston to look forward to and a chance to share my story, and who doesn’t love a story more than me?

It’s a slippery slope… How I turned to the Autoimmune Protocol

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If you’ve ever stopped in to this blog before, you know that I frequently talk about what is ailing me or what new diet I [a] want to try or [b] am currently on.  When I look back or even think about its totality, I get it; it’s a rather self-absorbed rambling rant, but it’s not really for you, it’s for me…. to keep track of progress, major setbacks or victories, what’s working and what’s not working.  It’s only for you if you: share a problem, you stumble upon this blog, and we can help one another in any way.  That is why I share in a public forum.  I have gained so much knowledge and support through the Internet, I cannot imagine tackling a chronic illness without it.  I truly came into my own in my forties and I continue to grow wiser/calmer/happier in my fifties.  I was thrown a bit of hardball with the RA diagnosis, but what the heck, it made me forget about menopause. Menopause, smenopause, if I can thrive with Rheumatoid Arthritis, menopause is not even on the radar.

So, a couple of years ago, I lost almost 50 pounds and I was on top of the world.  Then someone stole my wings https://kimmstree.com/2014/06/07/maleficent/ and over the next couple of years, I slowly and painfully gained over half of it back.  It feels like more since I also lost some lean muscle as I could not walk/zumba/hike/run like I used to.  I cannot blame this all on the RA, making unhealthy food choices is a slippery slope that once you begin to slide down seems like a super slide with no stopping mechanism.  Sugar and simple carbs are poison to me; I know this.  When I eat them, I am medicating with food.  I have done this my entire life.  My Mother and Grandfather taught me.  Food was comfort, food was reward, food was a drug, and food was an ever present focus.

You cannot read about health issues or autoimmunity [I already have at least 2 autoimmune diseases], without learning that our gut is the new center of our health.  Hippocrates, was evidently, right all along when he said “all disease begins in the gut.”  Our microbiome is as messed up as our planet.  I discovered a couple of years ago that gluten and I didn’t get along and I cut it out. It was no picnic in the beginning, but I am used to it now.  I have become quite creative with alternative flours and grains, but I know that I am still allergic to something because of persistent rash on my thigh that reacts to my food intake by inflaming and healing in turns.  I suspect I may be sensitive to other grains, lignans, dairy, or eggs.

October is an auspicious month for me.  It’s my birth month and I have had two successful beginnings on October 6th. October 6, 1999, I stopped smoking and never looked back.  October 6, 2013, I began using Take Shape for Life/Medifast and lost almost 50 pounds in 5 short months. So, on Monday October 5th, I began the Autoimmune Protocol.  It basically removes anything that might be allergenic or that tends to promote leaky gut for at least 30 days- it is easier to say what I can eat than what I cannot.  I can eat fresh unprocessed meats, broths, vegetables that are non legume, and fruits that are non citrus.  I cannot have coffee, sugar of any kind, nuts, seeds, or grains, eggs, or dairy.  I am allowing myself only one grain and that is a bit of brown rice, and only if the brown rice is soaked, slow cooked in coconut oil, and then refrigerated for 8-12 hours.

I’m on day 5 and I feel more energized already.  Seriously, once the sugar is gone for a few days, it no longer has power over me and I feel back in control.  I’ll be writing this month to record how this elimination protocol is going and how I reintroduce foods.  If you have tried it yourself, I’d love to hear from you or get a link to your blog.

Fit and Fab by 50

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Today I turned fifty.  I haven’t blogged for a while, but if this doesn’t call for a blog entry, I don’t know what does.  I can’t believe I am fifty, since it seems like I was just 24.  So, if you’re 24, here’s what you need to know about turning 50.

 If you get to see fifty, count yourself blessed.  I have lost friends and family who didn’t get to celebrate this magic number.  You won’t feel “old” even though when people who turned fifty before you were celebrating this day you thought, wow, that’s old.  Time really flies after 25.  The older you get, the less you care what other people think of you and the less filter you have when your thoughts turn into speech.  You get a bit more philosophical and hopefully kinder [I know I have].  You become more grateful for the little things like sunsets and nice fall weather and a good cup of coffee.  You realize that you need to get to stepping, because really, this is not a dress rehearsal… this is your life and it will only be what you make of it.  You realize that people are fallible and that they don’t mean to let you down any more than you mean to let them down.  You might begin to understand and believe that you can do anything you set your mind to do.  The only limits are the ones you place on yourself.  If you can imagine it, you can achieve it.

Last fall, I took up a challenge that I set for myself.  I decided that I would be “fit and fab by 50” and I signed up for a free health coach and began using Take Shape for Life featuring Medifast.  I had been feeling pretty squirrelly and I was blaming all of this on impending menopause.  Really, look at my entries from last year.  I was feeling dizzy and tired and my vision was becoming blurry [translation- I was developing diabetes and getting sicker and sicker].  I could literally not stay awake sometimes.  I thought, wow, this is what menopause feels like.. and it sucks.  I was already obese, but even weighing nearly 200 pounds I had still had always had curves that hinted at a waistline, but now that was even a distant memory.  My belly grew so big, I named her Betty.  I was pre-diabetic, and while my doctors had been telling me this for awhile, I had refused to believe them.   Consistent morning sugar readings above 100 and a HbA1c of 6.8, and finally, I could no longer deny it.  I decided to kick that b___’s ass before she could get in the door [so to speak], and I took control.  I didn’t have a lot of confidence that I could lose the weight, because I had been carrying it around in various quantities since my 26 year old son was born and I had come to accept it.  But, hot damn, it worked.  Something clicked- my mindset, the plan, whatever… it was the perfect storm.  I proceeded to lose 45 lbs in 5 or 6 months. My blood sugar stabilized and my HbA1c went to 5.2 in about 8 or 10 weeks.  It was amazing and easier than I ever imagined it could be.  So, over the past year, I feel like I have been transformed.  But let’s back up about 20 years and then 10.  

 Thirty was painful at times.  I didn’t feel fabulous.  I put my time and energy into my kids and my home and church and neglected myself badly. Don’t get me wrong, I loved being a Mom to my kids and doing holidays and planning outings and spending time with them, but I was sleepwalking through life because I was putting off certain things to when I would “lose the weight.”  I was also seriously lacking energy and getting more and more out of shape.  Forty was hard.  I was fat and my marriage was failing.  It was just about to hit the fan.  My oldest son went off to college and my youngest was left to deal with his parents’ marriage falling apart.  The next few years were a blur of pain and anguish culminating in the death of my ex and my boys’ father in a boating accident.  Some days I didn’t feel like getting out of bed.  But I was pushing forward and felt like I had to fight the world a lot of the time.  A few years ago, the tide started to turn and I began to find some peace.  Flash forward to this time last year when I found Fit and Fab by 40 on You Tube and decided to steal her handle and quest + 10.  

 I started the day after my birthday last year.   So, here we are one year later and I am not sure how fabulous I am, but I know how fabulous I feel.  I feel healthier, more free, happier, and more energetic than I did at 30 or 40.  

 Today, I turn fifty.  Over the past year I have lost nearly 50 lbs.  This morning I had a 50-year roof put on my home.  Powerful symbols for a day poised between a powerful year and the rest of my life.

H.A.L.T.

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Okay, so if you follow me, you may have noticed that I changed the name of my blog again.  Acknowledged.  And, we are just going to leave it at that.  If you know me, you’ll figure it out.

I wanted to comment on a new acronym I learned from a friend who is in recovery:  H.A.L.T., which stands for hungry, angry, lonely, tired.  Sidebar:  I am fascinated by addiction and recovery for myriad reasons.  One, I own that I have addict-like behavior where food is concerned.  I spent the better part of my adult life medicating with sugar/fat and white flour.   Two, I have lived with and loved an addict.  Three, I think the majority of us are addicts in some form or shape, we just use different substances/behaviors to mask our pain–  some people shop, some people take risks or have affairs, some people medicate with food, some people have addictive behavior associated with religion, and the list is endless….

So, I learned that people in recovery use this acronym as a gauge to determine how susceptible they might be to using/falling into addict-like behavior[s].  If you are experiencing at least two of these at any given moment, then you are at risk for relapse.  If you have more than 2, you might need to call your sponsor or head to a meeting.

I have been working on losing weight and gaining optimal health [with the goal of ultimately leaving behind my addictive relationship with food] since October.  I am experiencing success.  It’s up and down, but it’s success nonetheless.  I have had some planned cheats, admittedly some of these turned into snowball situations.  And, I have also had some times when I just went suddenly AWOL for no apparent reason.  Obviously, I continue to have addict style behaviors where food is concerned.  Reflection upon those times where I have gone off the end of a cliff so to speak, shows that I indeed was experiencing at least two of these four apocalyptic horsemen each time I derailed.  Angry is sometimes just frustrated or irritable.  Tired is a big trigger for me.  Lonely is a no brainer- I rarely go off a cliff with witnesses.  Hungry, well, when you’re trying to head off a diet catastrophe, hunger would certainly be a big factor.

TSFL is a plan that helps by making sure that you keep your blood sugar stable and that you eat small and very frequent ‘meals’ [I understand that it’s a stretch to call them meals].  It is also a plan that focuses heavily on community.  Having a coach and a community of support goes a long way to keeping me from becoming lonely and I know that I have people I can call on at any time to talk me off a ledge or alter my perception in a positive way.  I am finding out as I go along, that sleep is more important than I ever imagined.  Research shows that getting less sleep can increase your appetite and make you actually consume more calories.  My motivation and energy wane when I get less than 6 hours of sleep a night, especially over a period of time.  Luckily, this plan and its mild ketosis offers extra energy, but I have to be careful not to get tricked into thinking I don’t need my 7+ hours of sleep a night.  Anger, I have found, retreats during times of mild ketosis and I get into a calm zen state, however, whenever I do choose to cheat and go out of ketosis, I know that I will deal with anger/frustration/irritability again as I walk through that tough place between eating off plan and going back in to ketosis.  Those have been some of my most trying moments.

So, remember H.A.L.T.  whatever your addiction might be.  Keep yourself nourished– physically and spiritually.  Stay in community and relationship with others.  Have strategies to deal with anger and frustrations when they arise.  Love yourself.  ❤

Christmas Eve Gratitude

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So, it’s been a while since I paid any attention to this blog.  Mostly because my life goes at such a dizzying speed that I cannot keep up enough to document any of it.  I really need to change the name of my blog, since turns out I wasn’t/am not quarter of the way to Menopause- at least not a quarter of a year from there.  So much has happened since I began hyper-focusing on Menopause and how it might be wrecking havoc in my life.  Changing my attitude and focus, well, that sort of solved the premature Menopause crisis.  How did this happen?  Well, I stopped looking in and started looking out.  Shortly after I named my belly, I carefully began to watch as a friend began to shrink and come out of her shell so to speak.  She was doing this crazy diet plan that I wanted no part of.  I didn’t do liquid plans [turns out it wasn’t a completely liquid plan- yay]; I didn’t do such prescribed plans, and I would never do I plan where I had to purchase food!

Fast forward to Sept. when betty was so big I could not deny her existence and she was making my life miserable- I saw her in store window reflections that startled me, I saw her when I looked down in the shower [or out], I tried to pull my clothing over her or make buttons stay closed… well, you get the idea.  That bitch had to go.  So, I began researching this product and I found that it had chemistry behind it, that it was medically safe [the fact that it was promoted by some physicians did not influence me since I continually question why we give them such trust and responsibility with our health], and most importantly… that it worked.  It worked fast and furiously and I wouldn’t have to think about the zone or the south beach or a point or a calorie or a carb.  I would not have to have the perfect ratio of protein, fat, carb, and fiber because someone else was going to do that for me.  I could take food off the radar and live my *&^%ing life.

Cue to Sept 28 when my shipment arrived.  I’ll post the video later.  I was excited to begin and ready to commit.  Oct. 2nd was my start date, and today.. just a wee 83 days later [just shy of 12 weeks], I’ve gone from 196 to 167 this morning and turned all those numbers on their heads– including the big one I was aiming for- HbA1c.  In fact, it’s down in the normal range again from pre-diabetic and I did that in 2 months!

So, on Christmas Eve, 2012, I am grateful for so many things, the primary being my family and their health and wellness and the love of an incredible man who is my best friend, but I am also grateful that my eyes were opened, that I was given this opportunity to change my health and improve the quality of my life.  I am grateful that I have new self confidence that I can do this- I can take control of my weight and my health.  My only regret is that I didn’t start this 20 years ago.  I am living the secret, and now I truly believe that if I can see it- I can achieve it [which I have long subscribed to but did not believe where my weight was concerned].  And so, this morning, as I contemplate a one day reprieve commencing sometime tomorrow and lasting perhaps 4-8 hours, I am pausing at the precipice, and because of those numbers this morning, I will carefully consider each choice I have to make.  This all fills me with joy.  Merry Christmas!