Tag: love

Maleficent

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First off, an update since I have spent so much time bitching and moaning about my health crisis of late on this blog….

I am feeling better.  I’m afraid to hope for or announce that I might be nearing chemical remission for fear that I might be thrust back into the fire so to speak, but I am.  Feeling better.  Surfacing. Breathing easier.  One day last week, I realized at 8:45 am that pain had not asserted itself into my consciousness yet,  I had to tip my head right and left and bend my thumb to even feel twinges of the pain that has been ever- constant since last fall– and I was euphoric.

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I saw Maleficent last night and it was magnificent.  Spoiler alert if you’ve not seen it, because I feel compelled to share some of the lessons of this stunning fairytale back story.    My favorite quote of the movie has a personal significance to me:

“I had wings once.  They were strong, but they were stolen from me.”

So here are some of the lessons shared in this captivating film:

treelady

Trees are formidable foes and terrific allies.  

True loves does not come quickly or in a flash.

There are no wicked beings, only souls that have been crushed or abused.

We all lose our wings at some time or another through loss or betrayal; the direction we take after this is a choice.

No matter who or what steals our wings, love can bring them back and restore them fully.

Parenting and nurturing has little to do with biology.

THE LOVE of A CHILD IS THE PUREST AND TRUEST FORM OF LOVE.

mommy

We will find the truth generally more complex and beautiful than our assumptions.

Disney is finally beginning to “get it.”  Girls are more than princesses and they don’t need men to rescue them.

Villains can become heroes, especially when they are survivors.

and the most important lesson of this story…

love-never-fails-source

How long do I have to wait for some biologics?

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I’m having a bad day.  Hell, I’m having a bad week..month.. year.  I alternate between being a super stoic and what feels like a big baby.  On bad days, I can be short-tempered, ignore you, or be downright mean.  I feel sorry for myself way more often than I want to.  Tonight is injection night and I don’t want to stick that needle full of antifreeze into my thigh because today I don’t have much evidence that it is working.  What it does do is make me crazy, exhausted, and sick.  I guess it’s working, because I am making it through each day.  I’m still working two jobs.  I am keeping my head above water.  My feet don’t feel broken when I step onto them each morning, but this disease is so capricious in its expression that I feel like I wake up every morning on some demented game show– What the Fuck Hurts Today?  This month, the background music has been the pain in my neck that makes me walk funny and behave like a manikin.  A few of the contestants have been the nails in the tops of my feet, my aching and useless left thumb, and my left knee.  Even my jaws hurt.  The day I saw the doctor last, must have been a good day, because I gave myself 2’s and 3’s.  I am not sure I have had that good of day since.  I find myself wanting to tell this doctor how great it’s going.  I don’t want to tell her that I feel like I am failing on Methotrexate.  I did ask, “how long until I feel good again, like, I don’t hurt?”  She said, “now come on, you’re fifty, it’s not ever going to be perfect.”  I don’t want perfect, but I do want my life back.

I don’t want my blog to be a big whine fest [especially since I am not supposed to even have wine with Mtx].  I don’t want to have to ask for an antidepressant.  She already gave me Tramadol for pain, so clearly she is pointing me in that direction.  I have always been the no-nonsense girl who finds depression so self-indulgent.  If you have time to be depressed, I’ve always thought, you don’t have enough to keep you busy.  But now, I find my boyfriend telling me I need to watch out for depression, like it might be sneaking up behind me.

And other than my sister’s good fortune today, he was the bright spot in my day–my Bean.   Tonight, he went to the drugstore and then to Wal-mart and bought me all kinds of goodies.peas ice bag tens

Icy Hot patches, disposable tens units, peas ice bag, ice bags to fill [large and small], and so much relief in a couple of bags.  So, now, I sit in the corner typing as my neck crackles, ripples, and pops in mini spasms from this tens unit, appreciating someone who took the time to take care of me today.  It makes me seriously tear up in gratitude.  ❤

Since Christmas, anyhow..

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This morning I was talking to Sophie and Paulette [coworkers] 
while I was making coffee and telling them that I saw some of the cast 
of the original Partridge Family on the Today Show.. and then I started 
singing..."I woke up in love this morning, I woke up in love this morning, 
went to sleep with you on my mind.." 
[which for all of you who, for whatever baffling reason, did not watch 
the Partridge family when you were little, is a song David Cassidy sang with 
his fictional family group on the show]. 
Paulette's response [with a French accent]: 
"Oh, we know, Kim..You wake up in love every morning."  True that.